Lies

I lost 10 pounds in 3 days eating cream cheese and fried vegetable bits.

I’ll be there. I’ll be there early. I’ll have done my homework. A 20 dollar bill broken down in my pocket into a ten, a five and five ones.

These self-check out machines aren’t replacing us. We’ll be here forever, serving you one unplayable DVD at a time.

I’m so glad you called.

I want to go to Disney World. I want Minnie Mouse to spoon feed me sustainable butter lettuce as the smiles become sickles in my sweaty dreams of you.

I’m from the mean streets of Detroit where a box-cutter bitch gonna cut your ass.

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, Hallowed Be Thy Name …

I can take or leave it, saltfatsweet.

My idea of good time is you, you and more of you. Morning, noon and night of you, multiplying you times two …

I won’t feel like a sea creature has attached itself to my vital organs and is extracting from me my will to live one soft, sucking kiss at a time.

Take my picture honey, and let me see it directly after you take it. I want to see myself in all of my squishy, Irish girth.

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